Deactivate emotional, heartfelt, idealistic Intern 4 and reactivate the sarcastic, scathing, uni-avoiding, yolo-chucking me that most of the people I work with know and love. (Maybe not love. Tolerate. Definitely tolerate.)
Today I commenced what is quite possibly the worst assignment I've ever had to do. It involves me evaluating myself against the Australian Professional Standards for Teachers, providing examples of how I have demonstrated said standards, linking to evidence and creating an action plan for how I'd get better. The evidence and the action plan bits I don't mind, but the reflections kill me. I really really hate being self-reflective, because:
1. I sound like a douchebag.
2. I worry that I don't sound like enough of a douchebag.
3. I could run a lesson and it might be the biggest disaster. If I write about it in my portfolio I can make it sounds great, and no one would ever know.
4. Thinking is hard.
Sure, I understand the value of writing a huge piece of work that forces you to think about yourself as a teacher (otherwise I'd seem like a real idiot doing this blog thing) but understanding the value of something doesn't make it enjoyable. I understand the value of swimming lessons at the beach, but that doesn't mean I like the ear infections and jellyfish stings.
It would be easier if I could tell myself it might help me get a job, but working at a school for a year kinda helps you understand that no one considering hiring you has time to read your sixteen page document (plus evidence) detailing how great you are. Ugh, so unnecessary. The only thing this portfolio vaguely helps is a level three teacher application, or so I've been told... but that's a good many years away if I even get the opportunity to apply.
I'd much rather be using this school holiday time to mark that pile of exams, plan a program for a new class I'm taking on next term, tweak the planning I already have for my other three classes, collect resources, maybe create a website... but no, irrelevant portfolio it is.
All whinging aside, I am really glad that I have worked at a school for three terms so far, because I don't think I would have as many examples and pieces of evidence to use had I only had a six-week major prac. I feel sorry for other education students who have to do this task and might find themselves grasping at straws. Who knows, maybe I'm just terrible and needed the extra time.
The silver lining to this cloud of tedium is the other interns. We are all going through the same struggle and we all lack motivation, so it helps to have each other to congratulate, or complain to. Intern 1 is ahead of everyone (duh, that's why she's Intern 1), Intern 2 isn't far behind and Intern 3... well, he will probably start next week sometime. I'm only at the beginning, but everything is planned out and my house is pretty clean so it won't be long before I take a deep breath and get it over with. I can do it. I just don't really want to.
If you never hear from me again, I was killed by inauthentic uni assignments. Avenge me.